After They Are Yours: The Grace and Grit of Adoption, by Brian Borgman
Endorsed by Jedd Medefind, Philip Darke, Kelly Rosati, Bob Lepine, and more.
Parenting is always a challenge, but parenting an adopted child can have some special challenges. Adoptive parents can experience much heartache and even guilt with their adopted children. Many suffer in silence. Borgman writes with a burden to minister to those who are struggling.
After They Are Yours: The Grace and Grit of Adoption talks transparently and redemptively about the often unspoken problems adoptive parents face. Combining personal experience, biblical wisdom, and a heart for people, Borgman recalls the humbling and difficult lessons God has taught him and his wife. This is not a success story, rather it’s a story of struggles and failures set in the broader context of a God who is gracious and continually teaches us the meaning of adoption.
Brian Borgman is the author of several books, a contributor to the Women’s ESV Devotional Bible, and founding pastor of Grace Community Church, Minden, NV (1993-present). He earned a B.A. in Biblical Studies from Biola University (La Mirada, CA), a Master of Divinity from Western Conservative Baptist Seminary (Portland, OR) and a Doctor of Ministry from Westminster Seminary (Escondido, CA). Brian and his wife, Ariel, have been married since 1987 and have three children and one grandchild.
“Truth-telling that plunges beyond cliche and facade.”
“It’s all here — joy, hurt, and longing. And this is precisely what we most need: truth-telling that plunges beyond cliche and facade to speak of both the beauty and the brokenness that so often come woven together in adoption, all of it wrapped round by God’s limitless grace.”
—Jedd Medefind, President, Christian Alliance for Orphans and author of Becoming Home
“After They Are Yours is a compelling story about saying yes to God and then watching the Father shape and redeem his sons and daughters through love, grace, and mercy.”
—Kelly Rosati, Vice President of Community Outreach, Focus on the Family
“It’s one thing to tell the truth about being an adoptive parent, it’s a whole other thing to peer into a man’s soul as he wrestles with God. After They Are Yours opens a window into the life of a father of an adoptive family and allows you to peek into his mind, seeing snapshots of and watching him grapple with his raw emotions. He’s a husband, a protector and defender of his wife. Oh yes, he’s a father, duty bound to raise up his children to live a disciplined life through discipleship, love and second chances. He’s a man…strong yet weak. The power of his struggle beckons you to pray for the father. This book was a glimpse of how God fights for us and doesn’t let go. I wanted to be their intercessor. After They Are Yours reminds us of the importance of having people who will wrap around adoptive families with support and prayer when a family says ‘Yes’ to God’s call to adopt. It reinforces that God has called for a lifetime commitment when we adopt and that He will be faithful.”
—Dr. Sharen Ford, Program Director of Adoption and Orphan Care, Focus on the Family
“The decision to adopt is heroic. The reality is often hard. This book does not sugar coat the sacrifice that comes standard with adoption. It will help those considering adoption count the cost. And it will provide encouragement and help for parents who have already welcomed a child into their forever family.”
—Bob Lepine, Co-Host, FamilyLife Today
“This book will be a blessed resource for all parents who have adopted or are considering adopting a child. It is rooted in sound theology and personal experience. The author is realistic about the unique and significant challenges faced by those who adopt (‘adopt boldly with eyes wide open’), while also extolling the privilege of reflecting God’s grace by seeking to rescue a child from darkness (‘God enters into this abusive, oppressive family and removes us’). The greatest strength of this book is the transparent way in which the author tells his family’s adoption story. He openly shares his own struggles and sins along with his family’s experiences of God’s grace and mercy. His insights will benefit all parents, not just those who have adopted.”
—Dr Jim Newheiser, pastor, author, Director of the Institute of Biblical Counseling and Discipleship, founding member of the Fellowship of Independent Reformed Evangelicals
“Just as marriage is given to us by God and intended to reflect, however imperfectly, the relationship between Christ and His church, earthly adoption illustrates the glorious work of God’s sovereign, gracious adoption of each of us into His family so that we may cry out Abba, Father! And just as marriage is a marred reflection due to our sinful condition, adoption is fraught with peril and pain along with the joy and gladness.
“After They are Yours is a vivid, plain spoken picture of that joy and pain. Would that all the adoptive families I have worked with over the decades could have read this as part of the adoptive process! The book also presents a clear, Biblical teaching concerning a proper response to the difficulties which arise in every adoption and in fact in every parent’s life.
“My wife, Diane, and I have watched this joy and pain and love lived out in the lives of Brian and Ariel and all three of our Borgman grandkids, and can testify to God’s gracious faithfulness and provision for them, and to God’s love of adoption, on earth as it is in heaven!
“I highly recommend this very accessible, truthful picture of adoption.”
—Judge David Gamble, elder; President and Trustee of City of Refuge, Gardnerville, NV
“Too many people enter the adoption process with false hopes, images of grandeur, and rose-colored glasses about their future with an adopted child that too often are based on marketing and adoptive parents not sharing ‘the rest of the story.’ The consequences of such misguided beliefs and motives can be devastating to the adopted child and adoptive family. Thankfully, we now have After They Are Yours to protect well-intentioned, prospective parents from the perils of ignorance and prepare them for their future. Through his raw honesty, vulnerability, and insight, and scriptural truths as his foundation, Borgman gives potential and current adoptive parents, and any other parents for that matter, an invaluable resource to ensure that they can enter into the life-changing world of adoption with eyes wide open.”
—Philip Darke, President of Providence World and co-author of In Pursuit of Orphan Excellence
“Brian invites us into his family’s adoption journey with refreshingly raw honesty, where he articulates the very real challenges and very real joy found in the day-to-day ‘after they are home.’”
—Andy Lehman, Vice President of Lifesong for Orphans and Founding Board Member of the Christian Alliance for Orphans and the Orphan Sunday campaign
“With the explosion of the orphan care movement among evangelicals in recent years, this book provides a timely, much needed perspective on the challenges often facing adoptive and foster parents. As Borgman takes readers on his family’s journey of adoption, he does not hold back on some of his most personal struggles. While some of these anecdotes may be difficult to read, this transparent, gritty story highlights how God loves to take the messiest of situations and then transform them for his glory. This book provides a healthy dose of realism every prospective adoptive parent needs, followed by practical insights and the hope of redemption that is only found in the gospel.”
—Matt Oettinger, Campus Elder/Orphan Care Ministry Leader of The Summit Church, Raleigh-Durham, NC
“Adoption, like missions for so many years before, has been sold to sincere disciples by romanticizing the calling. And as in missions many have flung themselves into the noble life-altering calling of adoption only to find themselves secretly wondering if they have been sold a bill of goods. The prince has turned into a toad. The good news is most refreshing to those who feel stuck in a bad story but are too ashamed and afraid to admit that reality is not that charming. Too often we unintentionally promote noble callings, like missions and adoption, with the lure of prosperity; not because we promise blessing, but because we do not honestly warn of difficulty. Brian Borgman’s book is long overdue. He boldly unveils the secret too many are unwilling to discuss: adoption can be very, very hard. This will be a book that I will buy and hand out to many couples who with starry eyes plunged into the calling of adoption and are now in the full shock of difficulty. They, like Bunyan’s Mr. Ready-to-halt will find in Pastor Borgman a Mr. Great-heart who tells them as the sincere and weary traveler was told, ‘Your travel hither has been with difficulty, but that will make thy Rest the sweeter.’”
—Bob Bixby, Lead Pastor of Redeemer Church, Fremont, CA
“After They Are Yours is a compelling acknowledgment that parenting adopted children can be uniquely challenging. Brian Borgman lets us step into his family’s experience as he unashamedly shares the joys and difficulties of their adoption story. Pain and loss are an inescapable part of every adoption, and Borgman points us to the gospel that provides both the framework and the fuel that families will need for the challenges that come. Grace and grit indeed; this is an excellent resource.”
—Stephen Story, Executive Director of Covenant Care Services